Okay, so. Recap of events thus far: For the last few weeks, my 3D class has foregone work on creepy self-portrait mannequins for the much, much cooler project of making a retro Batman-themed table setting for an event at a local theater. As totally uncool as this is, I have been absolutely having a blast with the project. BUT, as of right now? I’m just kind of upset and conflicted, and here is where I cut my rant for everyone’s sake.
So, we’ve worked on this for five class periods now. Two planning period, three days of construction. The first day of construction, I ended up taking charge of the building team. It makes sense, really… the 3D buildings are probably the most prominent part of the design, and I was the one who had the most experience with putting them together from the planning periods. And I have been really, really happy about this! I really, really want to see it all come together! I love this project!
Except that it’s not finished.
Last class, we got to the point where almost everything was done… every single 2D element of the project looks absolutely fantastic, and I am in awe of the talent on display! BUT the fucking buildings are unfinished. At the end of class, out of five buildings… none were completely finished. Not even one. And although a bunch of people volunteered to stay after and get it done, we were caught off-guard by the building closing at 5, and so… everything is just sort of sitting on the studio table, waiting for someone to finish taping and painting and assembling everything.
And here’s where I start getting really frustrated, okay?
I want this to be done, and I want it to look awesome. I feel at least… well, at least partially responsible for everything. If it doesn’t get done, I’ll feel like it was my fault. So I want to pitch in and do my part!
Except classes were cancelled today, which means we can’t get into the studio. Which means that our last chance to finish everything is Friday. Awesome!
But I signed up to go on a day-long trip to NYC, to see the opening of an Illustration exhibit. I’ve been really, really looking forward to it, but I’ll be gone from the school from 7 to well past midnight. If I want to go on this trip, I can’t help finish the centerpiece.
…I know… I don’t have any sort of obligation to help… but I feel guilty. I feel like I should pass up the trip to make sure this gets done. Everyone else is wicked awesome, but I honestly have no idea how many people besides me know what work still needs to be done, and that really worries me…!
And… and frankly, I think I’m right to be worried! See, okay, I was in charge of leading the building-making group. Cool, right? The first day was kind of rough, not going to lie. Most everyone sat around and talked for the first hour and a half, since we couldn’t even begin to build until everything was measured and planned out. We had to make it as tall as possible while keeping in mind our base, proportions, variance… it took a long time and a lot of experimentation just to get the measurements we needed to even begin, and I was the only one doing anything.
By the time we finally got around to building things, I was spending most of my time running from pair to pair, explaining how to construct things and answering questions and solving problems. I don’t know what it was… if the concept was unclear or my instructions were fuzzy, or if they just didn’t give a shit, but it took a hell of a lot of work to get as far as we did on the first day. I was fucking proud! We went from standing around a white board scribbling numbers to having three buildings cut out and glued together! It was awesome!
And then day two came, and I had a panic attack. I missed class because I was flipping the fuck out.
Coming in on day three was so… so fucking depressing.
Three buildings assembled, one with a base coat of paint. One new building still under construction. The building I’d been making on my own was still just flat sheets… no one had touched it. An hour and a half of work with me around had gotten so much done, but three hours without me had produced fucking jack-shit. I don’t know if I can even articulate how disappointing it was to see how few fucks had been given without me around to annoy them into working.
That final class was… just… god. I already felt like I was going to faint due to the totally awesome medical surprise I’d gotten earlier in the day, and… and just… every time I asked a question about progress, they were so… embarrassingly behind. “Where’s the roof for that?” “We’re still cutting it out” YOU FUCKING TRACE THE TOP ONTO A PIECE OF FOAM CORE HOW IS THIS NOT DONE. “Is that done?” “We need to start painting.” YOU HAD THE FUCKING BUILDING BUILT TWO CLASS PERIODS AGO WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING.
For fuck’s sake…! At one point, someone stopped, mid-painting and called me over because THE BUILDING HAD NEVER BEEN GLUED. Some lazy fucker had just used fucking MASKING TAPE to stick everything together and CALLED IT A NIGHT. I had to tell them to take it all apart and glue it up properly!
And another guy? Spend the entire class assembling one building. I checked in with him multiple times. Hey dude, that’s looking absolutely great (even thought you have spent hours working on this one small part)! Are you going to be finished soon? Is it ready for painting? “No, just give me ten minutes to finish up!” Awesome, alright! Ten minutes pass, “Hey, is there anyway we could start painting before you finish construction? We’re getting tight on time!” “No, no, don’t worry, I just need to finish this up!”
Finally, he hands me the finished building. It looks amazing, and I say as much. Then I look at the blank walls, and I look at him. “What’s the design?” You know… because… these are supposed to be specific buildings. That’s the point. I harped on this several times the first class. Surely, you’ve got a sketch somewhere of the pattern of windows going on this thing. Every other building has a design worked out, surely you must have—
“This is all I did. And since I’ve finished building that, I’m done! I’m not gonna paint it!”
I wanted to beat him to death with it.
After all that time, after all his reassurances… he never once thought to mention that all he was going to do was build the model. He never thought it important to mention that there was no other planning or thought put into this thing. I had to pull up reference photos and improvise a design right onto the sides with a pencil and ruler. As I did, he sat behind me, going on the internet. I overheard him explain that he’d done all he needed to.
God, it just…
I don’t want to defame everyone. A lot of people worked really hard to get things done, without needing any help. They got so, so far on two of the biggest buildings, and they look fanfuckingtastic! And other people were really great about… hell, about just listening! I could ask them to do some small part and they’d come back in a bit with it FINISHED and I could ask them to solve a problem, and they’d DO IT and it was AWESOME.
But in the end… I just can’t shake this feeling like, without me, this won’t be finished. That if I don’t pitch in, there won’t be anyone else who can step up to bat.
…
I think I’m going to go on the trip. Make the selfish choice this time. I’ll explain my choice on facebook, and to the teachers, and I’ll just… hope like hell that I am greatly overestimating my effect on this thing.
…but I don’t think I am.