so the reason i am hom eon thrusday evening, even though i hav ea lto of things to do on campus is pretty simple. it;s also the reason i’m drinkking.
My grandpa is dying.
it’s so easy to type, huh.
it’s not exactly sudeen. he’s had a few heart attacks. he’s old, weak. he doens’t akwayus knwo wehre he is anymore, and the doctor’s havce said he’s too weak for the surgery he neneds. he’s filled out his will and given a DNR order. I’ve known this for so long but i guess it kidn of never sunk in.
my parents called at the end of painting class and told me he was taking a turn fo rhte worst. mommy and daddy are heading out to New jersey right now. I’m at home to watch over my brother whil ethey’re gone. I never went out to see him like I promised to myself i would. I don’t think I can leave school to do it. I don’t think I could make it.
I’m drinking because I have been so, so fortunate in my life. I’ve never had anyone clos eto me die, not… not as far as I can recall.
But grandpa is dying. He won’t get better. He’s never going to see me walk down the aisle, and he’s never going to meet my grandchildren, and I will never see him again. I love him, so, so much, and he is dying and I cannot… do anything to help. And this is it.
I don’t know how i’ll hadn le it. just thinking abotu it makes me want to cry.
I love grandpa.
I hope he lives a little longer.