TL;DR I’m not a good friend and also pretty stupid
So I finally told my mom that I’ve been having suicidal thoughts
I was hiding it because I was so ashamed. I really… couldn’t figure out how to say it, how to just admit that I needed help. Even though I’ve had this happen a few times in the past, and she’s always been there for me, and she loves me and helps.
Earlier today, she also gave my college a call to see what I needed to do to register. I’ve sort of been dreading it out of irrational fear, and it was sort of driving me into this corner. But I’m… actually going to be able to move forward again. I’m so relieved I could cry. Actually, technically, I am. Right now.
Ahahahahaa because I got stupid earlier today and my parents were reasonably upset at me and I realized how much of a huge burden I am and I had sort of finally made up my mind and was going to just grab a couple of drinks and as many painkillers as I could find and I was doing research on my phone and I wasn’t going to tell anyone at all and with any luck I wouldn’t be on tomorrow ahahahahahahaaa
God, I’m really an idiot.
I hope I’ll be okay.